A scary monster and a super creep- a day in the life of the Eels Souljacker

Crawling through the dirt, it’s no walk in the park, y’know. Hey, you try being me, I have to contend with strangers asking me how am I and shouting- it’s the Souljacker! You see, I’ve become famous and yeah, there’s a reason for this. Let me start from the beginning. I’m Souljacker, by the way…

So, this middle-aged guy called E called my agent, Dastardly Dave. I’ve got to have an agent. Got stuff to do, well Dave’s got stuff to do. Who does this E think he is anyhow? Anyway, he pitched an idea to my agent about him finding out about my life. Research, apparently. E’s a musician, you see, and he’s doing some research for an album that he’s planning. Apparently he’s going to name it after me. Right.

Eventually I said to Dave, ”why doesn’t this Sir E, or whatever he calls himself, come and see me?”. Of course, the only reason he’s doing this damn research is to see me, and who could blame him? But he said no, he wants to know more about the other “special” (his word) individuals that I know. Well, there’s only the Dog Faced Boy and who cares about him? As E kept going on about it, I mentioned to Dave that there’s the friendly ghost, who lives up on Goji Berry Road, where all the bourgeoisie live. He hasn’t bothered to haunt anyone in ages. You know, he makes Casper The Friendly Ghost look like a mean son of a bitch.

I guess there’s also the Teenage Witch, who spends most of her time falling into ditches, the lazy moo. How’s she going to find a job doing that? There’s also the Bus Stop Boxer. A sorry-looking guy if ever I saw one, no one’s got the No 12 bus to Dingly Dell Road for years now. The Lollipop Bus Service is on the verge of stopping because of him.

I gotta go. Dave’s arranged for some reporters to come and talk to me about my experiences with E. A whole lotta fuss for nothing, so E better pay me well for the time I’ve wasted with him!

(note: any similarity to anyone living is purely coincidental)

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